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Trying to pull a door labelled "push; then apologising to the doorWaving enthusiastically at your crush Ken, only to realize it's an incredibly life-like mannequinAccidentally calling your boss's boss "bro" during your first board meetingCalling someone by the wrong name repeatedly at their wedding and complaining loudly about their hearing
Give a speech about workplace unity ,comparing the biscuits to a metaphorical Holy Grail that should remain unclaimedConfess dramatically, fall to your knees, and vow to atone by never eating carbs againClaim ignorance, but place a biscuit crumb in your colleague's hair and yell,! The Biscuit Bandit strikes again!;Secretly record the boss's meltdown ,then use it as your new ringtone
Join them ,leading a leafy rebellion against humankindUse a spritz bottle like a flamethrower, screaming,"This is my house!"Apologize profusely, promising to never overwater them againIgnore the rebellion and let them take over -it's their mortgage now
Convince him you're a wizard and demand he follows you as his disciple free of chargeTrade your phone for their top hat,then regret it immediately because you need Maps to get homeShow them TikTok for a couple of minutes, and when they faint from mental exhaustion, walk awayTeach them how to take selfies, then let their existential crisis sink in
Start writing your autobiography immediately, calling it "The Fungus Among Us"Demand they provide free snacks and a kickass Japanese kimono, then consider their offerLaugh hysterically and ask if they also need someone to balance their company checkbooksDeclare that balance is overrated, leave, and go grab 18 tequila shots at the closest bar
Develop a new hobby: conducting the pigeons with an Italian mozzarella breadstick after workInstall a speaker that blasts out "The Bird's the Word" on loop to counteract the pigeonsTeach the pigeons to harmonize, turning the chaos into beautiful artHurl half your £8.50 spiced oat decaf skinny flat white lat them, hoping the shock (of the cost) will shoo them away
Decline, because nothing's worth reliving that WhatsApp sent to your boss instead of your dateAccept, but demand the squirrel address you as "Supreme Mushroom Lord" during the entire ordealAsk the squirrel for a second offer, because no one will catch you falling for a first dealHand the squirrel a bag of peanuts, tell him to jog on, and Google"how to achieve wisdom in 3 steps"
Walk into a meeting, pointing at everyone while yelling,"You've been chosen!"Cover them with gloves and wait for the glow to "go with the flow"Turn it into a fashion statement, pairing it with an avant-garde outfitGoogle "glowing hands", then immediately regret going down that weirdly well-documented rabbit hole
